Monday, May 9, 2011

Deep Breath

It's Monday, Adjustment day.

This day of the week seems to get more difficult for Indie as he grows. As I leave the room to start the day he screams for me...
My heart aches..

I wish I could be Mommy and Artist simultaneously.
Sharing giggles, exploring, creating, doing the business all together.
But here I am walking away up the stairs, feeling sad.
I love the little guy so much and as much as our Nanny is great to Indie, he still wants to be with me, and I with him.
Some days I question...

Should I be doing this artsy business thing?
He grows so fast, am I missing out...
What if he is my last baby and I am just creating it all away while he grows. :( I am grateful for the gentle voice in my heart.

"it's ok you are doing your best"
"You are following your heart, you are meant to spread this love, your art" "And you are meant to be a mom too"

You are doing your best and that is all you can do and you are doing

it beautifully"
But still, my heart aches sometimes, when I hear him screaming on these Mondays. I am grateful I have a nanny so I can be close to him whenever I want, or when he wants me "bad" too :)

Today he napped in my studio in his little bouncy hammock that his Gramma Pat got for him. He Loved it and slept very well..
Even awoke with little coo's instead of a scream.
He was grateful and so was I.
I love you Indie,
I love you kids,
I hope you know that.
I have intermixed a few new items that will be going in the shop this week of the many new things I have to share..I hope you stop by :)
Thank you and have a great day:)


  1. I love your keep calm necklace and those turquoise earrings are darling!

    Ok girlie DON'T STOP, Keep on keeping on!

    Yes I can understand it is breaking your heart but in order to be a good mother you need to do things for you and things you love. If you are happy then the kiddos will be happy. A happy momma is a happy household!

    Keep on doing what you love, you are great at it and you were meant to do it. You were not put on this earth to only be a mother you have many talents and they are just as important as motherhood. Right now your little one doesn't understand but he will. And honestly he will appreciate it when he gets older.

    Don't lose yourself! Listen to your motto, Follow Your Heart!



  2. Dear, Sweet, Natalie,

    I think this is my favorite blog post thus far because you are being so honest, opening your heart, and expressing what so many of us as mothers (and fathers) struggle with, no matter what our career choices. It truly is bittersweet.

    I love what Megan has to say...Amen! It took me a very, very long time to embrace the philosophy she is describing, but it is so, so true.

    FWIW, I think you are a WONDERFUL mommy, a fantastic artist, and a great friend. You are so kind and your heart is so big that I've no doubt that you can make this work for you and your family.


  3. Thank you both for your kind comments. I am feeling better today..But I must say there is a weirdness lingering inside me and I can't quite put my finger on

  4. I totally relate. My daughter was my only one and I spent all my time working and worrying about getting by that now I truly regret missing out on her younger years. She will soon be 21 and I cherish every minute with her. I also cherish the wonderful sitter she had for the 1st seven years of her life. If anyone could shape and mold a child into something wonderful it was the family who watched her from 6 months to age 8.

  5. that necklace makes me happy!

  6. I second what Megan said and she is very wise. Your art has to be out there! It makes people happy! It's always hard to be a Mom and have other pursuits but we would never question whether we really need to shower or eat and this is the same. It's all about balance and the younger the child the harder to find the balance because they need us so much. But never doubt yourself, your son will be the first to be proud of you you'll see. No child wants a martyr for a mother this is your precious time on earth as well. Our children love us and they always want to be near us and it IS our most important role in life but that is not all we are. Being fulfilled is the only way you can teach this to your children because just talking about it and not doing it doesn't teach them anything. SO ALL THE POWER TO YOU!!!!!!!!!

  7. Awwww thank you for the encouraging words...I agree, it's just hard sometimes cause they are only little once :( They only smell this sweet once...And the baby giggles light up my soul :)